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On the day that Crazy Tony
Shaved off all his hair
He swore he would get a tattoo
Parked at the parlor near the Philly Zoo
So we drove downtown in dad's company car
He asked the man for a life-size AC outlet
But the power went down
Just as he picked up his needle
Tattooed on the back of his head
We spent the money on drugs instead
Hey Mister Twister, what you got for sale
Where's the stuff you sold my sister
She was high on speed and Hawaiian sinse
When she last jumped bail
We had to peel her off the back
Losing it completely
Of the backstop fence
Just as she was on the verge of
She came down to us and whispered sweetly
She whispered,
"mm stad, stada, mm stad stada, stad"
He sold us sixteen doses, pictures of the King
Went tripping by the riverside
We were underneath the bridge
Launching Roman candles
From a bottle of Banker's Club Rye
He was half-baked and thoroughly stoned
But then greasy Tony got busted
Took off all his clothes
Except his socks and his sneakers
Screamin' at the top of his lungs
And for a minute, I thought he couldn't make it
Sayin' isn't it a pity, but that's what happens
When you take too many drugs
Then the car stopped up on the bridge
He was all strung out on Dexatrim and doses
And he walked into the water like Holy Moses
At such a tender age
We're singing, "Holy Moses, Holy Moses yeah"
"So dang me dang me,
Take a rope and hang me"
If I go back to that one horse town
If I lose I can't face the deflation
Can't you see how much I promised
On the second hand news
I'm living on credit
Trading on lies
And walking in the boots of persuasion
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