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On the day that Crazy Tony
Shaved off all his hair
He swore he would get a tattoo
Parked at the parlor near the Philly Zoo
So we drove downtown in dad's company car
He asked the man for a life-size AC outlet
Tattooed on the back of his head
Just as he picked up his needle
But the power went down
We spent the money on drugs instead
Hey Mister Twister, what you got for sale
Where's the stuff you sold my sister
When she last jumped bail
She was high on speed and Hawaiian sinse
We had to peel her off the back
Just as she was on the verge of
Losing it completely
Of the backstop fence
She came down to us and whispered sweetly
"mm stad, stada, mm stad stada, stad"
She whispered,
He sold us sixteen doses, pictures of the King
Went tripping by the riverside
We were underneath the bridge
From a bottle of Banker's Club Rye
Launching Roman candles
But then greasy Tony got busted
He was half-baked and thoroughly stoned
Took off all his clothes
Except his socks and his sneakers
And for a minute, I thought he couldn't make it
Screamin' at the top of his lungs
Then the car stopped up on the bridge
Sayin' isn't it a pity, but that's what happens
When you take too many drugs
At such a tender age
He was all strung out on Dexatrim and doses
We're singing, "Holy Moses, Holy Moses yeah"
And he walked into the water like Holy Moses
"So dang me dang me,
If I go back to that one horse town
Take a rope and hang me"
Can't you see how much I promised
If I lose I can't face the deflation
On the second hand news
Trading on lies
I'm living on credit
And walking in the boots of persuasion
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